I read something on Learning to be Less' site that is helpful every time I think of it. (Sorry, I have temporarily forgotten how to link the site). She talks about losing 'x' amount of weight by last Thanksgiving and 'x' amount of weight by this 2009 Thanksgiving. I think that's a great way to encourage yourself, when it gets too hard to look at the progress from week to week.
I did not do my weigh in on Sunday. I don't see it as running away; I see it as helpful. If there is a gain, it is discouraging and that won't help me get on with the program. I know some would say 'face the music' but I think one has to act based on what they have learned from experience, and for me that means not piling on the guilt and discouragement. I'm proceeding full speed ahead with my program, having not weighed, while on the other hand I might just get really mad to see the gain and then say 'what's the use.' It's not worth the risk, there are plenty of other times to weigh in.
I've talked about almond milk before...love it! Because it's only 40 cal a cup for vanilla and 45 for chocolate. I been wanting to try egg nog with it, which I did yesterday. I used 6 oz. of vanilla almond milk with 2 oz. of DaVinci egg nog flavor, heated it in the microwave and foamed it with my immersion blender. Poured in a mug and added nutmeg. My husband and I both thought it was a great substitute. As a diabetic, the real thing is just not an option for him. I was telling my sister about it on the phone and she got all excited. Unbeknownst to me, she ran out to the store to find Almond Breeze and then called me for the recipe. I was embarrassed to tell her there really isn't a recipe. She thought there would be eggs in there. I think there may be such a recipe out there, and I'll take a look or maybe even try to develop one. But I like this one because it's a quick cup of comfort that you can have in a flash and it's so few calories, hot and delicious! And the almond milk is slightly creamy/thick so it approximates the texture of egg nog. I think the DaVinci marshmallow might be good in the chocolate, I'll have to try that.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Getting on with it
It's been a learning weekend. I am back to my routine now and it feels good.
*I learned that the thrill from eating a lot of something isn't really there anymore. If it ever really was.
*I learned how quickly I can feel exhausted and blobby when my eating goes awry.
*I learned how quickly my mindset can change: Suddenly the little bit of confidence I have is drained away because I feel ashamed of what I have been doing. My perky outlook and my desire to walk a lot and drink a lot (of water) and my willingness to actually be out in public just isn't there when I am not on the path to goal and maintenance.
But really, most of all, I am truly excited that my brief foray into the land of excess has not shaken my resolve! I am not questioning at all that I am just going to continue on with my plan that is working! I am not doing the usual failure talk, that I. JUST. CAN'T. DO. IT. Because I know I am doing it, regardless of what did or didn't go right in the last few days.
*I learned that the thrill from eating a lot of something isn't really there anymore. If it ever really was.
*I learned how quickly I can feel exhausted and blobby when my eating goes awry.
*I learned how quickly my mindset can change: Suddenly the little bit of confidence I have is drained away because I feel ashamed of what I have been doing. My perky outlook and my desire to walk a lot and drink a lot (of water) and my willingness to actually be out in public just isn't there when I am not on the path to goal and maintenance.
But really, most of all, I am truly excited that my brief foray into the land of excess has not shaken my resolve! I am not questioning at all that I am just going to continue on with my plan that is working! I am not doing the usual failure talk, that I. JUST. CAN'T. DO. IT. Because I know I am doing it, regardless of what did or didn't go right in the last few days.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Just. Not. Into. It. and then Voila!
I was feeling kind of blah about getting together my healthy dinner tonight. Not feeling so rah-rah about downing all my water either. Not wanting to binge or eat anything excessive, just not wanting to go to the effort of doing it right. I don't buy packaged dinners so that wasn't an option. The lack of interest kind of scared me! But I forged ahead and ended up with a dinner that I really enjoyed! We were planning scallops and couscous. So I baked my scallops with 1 T of light butter mixed with some lemon juice and lemon pepper and 1 T of parmesan. I had 2 T of dry couscous, cooked, mixed with sauted onion and mushrooms. For vegetable I had leftover butternut squash sprinkled with sugar free brown sugar. There was a lot of lemony parmesany juice from the scallops and I poured that on my couscous and mushroom/onion. Something about the combination of foods really had the Wow! factor for me. Who knows, maybe it's because I dared to use a little butter. Maybe it's because we haven't had couscous for awhile or maybe it was because the squash and scallops have definitely not been served recently. It also went together very quickly.
I don't entirely understand how enjoying that meal has sort of re-established my enthusiasm. It's not that my food choices are usually boring, although I have been known to use up leftovers in very drab ways just because I don't want to waste anything. I am headed into the evening very hopeful that I can spend the next few hours without ruining everything!
I don't entirely understand how enjoying that meal has sort of re-established my enthusiasm. It's not that my food choices are usually boring, although I have been known to use up leftovers in very drab ways just because I don't want to waste anything. I am headed into the evening very hopeful that I can spend the next few hours without ruining everything!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
1. Turkey Soup 2. Assessing hunger
Since we had our Thanksgiving dinner last Sunday, I made turkey soup yesterday. Yummy! Here's one thing I hope will eventually change: I would like to make soup, have a bowl and not be concerned about what the "exact" calories are. I am a fanatic about measuring and being exact (even though realistically I know that published calorie counts are not all that accurate. There is a percentage of error that is allowed, plus foods in nature do not have all the SAME sweetness, fiber, starch, etc. They vary, imagine that!) I noted how much broth, carrot, celery, onion, turkey and noodles I used and then I weighed the whole mess when I was finished. Now I will weigh each serving to estimate how many calories I am consuming. It's going to work out fine, but I would hope in the long run, at maintenance, that I would be able to make soup and not be so scientific about it. By the way, I used the broth that I steeped the turkey carcass in, and it turned out excellent. And of course, having to estimate the calories on the broth made me nuts, but I dealt with it.
Now the "assessing hunger thing." I weighed out what I thought was a normal amount of soup to have for lunch. After eating it, I knew it wasn't enough, but it didn't surprise me because it was a broth based soup. I had planned to supplement with the leftover steak from the previous night. I weighed and ate that. I still did not feel satisfied, and it was a total of 350 calories. So I didn't eat anything more. But that's the part of eating according to your hunger that scares me. Surely 350 calories for lunch should almost always be enough. And if I hadn't been monitoring the calories, I would have eaten something additional, because I was still HUNGRY. And even if it had been a fruit or vegetable it still would have been over 400 calories (whether I was counting or not) and that sort of limits how much I should eat the rest of the day (whether I realize it or not). So, that in a nutshell is why I am afraid to rely solely on hunger signals, at least at this point.
Now the "assessing hunger thing." I weighed out what I thought was a normal amount of soup to have for lunch. After eating it, I knew it wasn't enough, but it didn't surprise me because it was a broth based soup. I had planned to supplement with the leftover steak from the previous night. I weighed and ate that. I still did not feel satisfied, and it was a total of 350 calories. So I didn't eat anything more. But that's the part of eating according to your hunger that scares me. Surely 350 calories for lunch should almost always be enough. And if I hadn't been monitoring the calories, I would have eaten something additional, because I was still HUNGRY. And even if it had been a fruit or vegetable it still would have been over 400 calories (whether I was counting or not) and that sort of limits how much I should eat the rest of the day (whether I realize it or not). So, that in a nutshell is why I am afraid to rely solely on hunger signals, at least at this point.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Back in Business
I am pleased to say that since my Sunday-Monday debacle, I have been going strong. Maybe this is really progress! Looking back on both episodes, I see that both were emotionally caused -- not caused by a favorite food staring me in the face. That's a challenge, too, but in this case it didn't play a part.
Yesterday I went out and bought a box of single serving chips. I'll see if I can handle having one at a time. (When I am not on a plan I have been know to eat multiples individually-packed items.) I guess this rates as a step outside my comfort zone -- trying a new approach, since the previous approach eventually causes me to crash and burn.
Yesterday I went out and bought a box of single serving chips. I'll see if I can handle having one at a time. (When I am not on a plan I have been know to eat multiples individually-packed items.) I guess this rates as a step outside my comfort zone -- trying a new approach, since the previous approach eventually causes me to crash and burn.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Eyes Wide Open, Into the Abyss
After a successful family dinner on Sunday, I spiraled out of control after 9 PM. I regretfully admit that this particular chain of events is typical for me: getting through a challenging event with 100% success, then sabotaging it later when I'm alone. Obviously this is one past behavior that I have not yet nipped.
Then, I was happily back on plan in the morning (Monday). By the end of the day I was in a terrible funk due to events. I stopped on the way home (another behavior from the past) for potato chips, didn't look at anything else, just made a bee-line for the chips. Sat eating them in the car in the dark parking ramp till I couldn't eat anymore. Bag was not empty but I threw it away (destroying the evidence so no one would know). Then for dinner I just picked at the leftover turkey, dipping it in gravy. At that point I was not hungry but just eating because I like eating. My husband had the typical leftover meal of turkey, potatoes, salad, but I just picked. Later, alone, I had more peanuts and ice cream. I didn't progress further because there was nothing else tempting in the house. On Sunday I had sent leftover chips and the Oreo dessert home with my kids, but during my episodes, I sure wished that I hadn't done that.
Tuesday and Wednesday were fine, I'm back on track! I look back at the total number of hours during which I lost control. The total span from the start to end was only 24 hours. The total span of hours that actually involved inappropriate eating was probably about 5. I can't say there was a lot of enjoyment. There certainly was stress relief. There was that desperate feeling of "I just CANNOT go home without chips."
Although I am totally back now, I am sobered by how much damage can be done in such a short period of time. Both caloric and ego. This is a point I have reached in the past, where I just give up, until the next time. I really truly think the reason I am staying the course now is because of the blogs I have read where people have had problems like this but still carry on and and ultimately reach maintenance. Without benefit of that knowledge, in the past, I believed that successful people just stayed the course without major blowups along the way. And since I hadn't been able to do that, I might as well quit. Because successful people didn't ever lose control.
I have always assumed that once I got with the program, that these episodes would be totally in the past. But MAYBE they will always be there. I had never thought of that as a possibility before. MAYBE I will always have to manage them, hoping they occur rarely. That's kind of a mental discovery right there. Of course I don't ever want these things to occur. But if they do, they don't have to signal that I'm "done with healthy eating this time around."
One thing I clearly noticed was how once I was in the hold of the beast, I was no longer interested in drinking my water, or in consuming anything else healthy. I think that first night I had 4 diet cokes.
I have to admit that I was totally in control of this. I know what I was doing and I chose to do it. I am not yet sure how to choose to have an excess but limit it. I hope that will come with time.
One encouraging thing that happened on Tuesday (after I was back in control), was that someone with whom I have talked weight loss with in the past stopped in my office and commented on my weight loss and we had a conversation about it. This was important for me, mentally, because it signaled that I didn't suddenly look like a blimp because I had lost control for a few hours. Because I certainly FELT like a blimp.
I definitely feel less successful than I did a week ago, but I am forging ahead.
Then, I was happily back on plan in the morning (Monday). By the end of the day I was in a terrible funk due to events. I stopped on the way home (another behavior from the past) for potato chips, didn't look at anything else, just made a bee-line for the chips. Sat eating them in the car in the dark parking ramp till I couldn't eat anymore. Bag was not empty but I threw it away (destroying the evidence so no one would know). Then for dinner I just picked at the leftover turkey, dipping it in gravy. At that point I was not hungry but just eating because I like eating. My husband had the typical leftover meal of turkey, potatoes, salad, but I just picked. Later, alone, I had more peanuts and ice cream. I didn't progress further because there was nothing else tempting in the house. On Sunday I had sent leftover chips and the Oreo dessert home with my kids, but during my episodes, I sure wished that I hadn't done that.
Tuesday and Wednesday were fine, I'm back on track! I look back at the total number of hours during which I lost control. The total span from the start to end was only 24 hours. The total span of hours that actually involved inappropriate eating was probably about 5. I can't say there was a lot of enjoyment. There certainly was stress relief. There was that desperate feeling of "I just CANNOT go home without chips."
Although I am totally back now, I am sobered by how much damage can be done in such a short period of time. Both caloric and ego. This is a point I have reached in the past, where I just give up, until the next time. I really truly think the reason I am staying the course now is because of the blogs I have read where people have had problems like this but still carry on and and ultimately reach maintenance. Without benefit of that knowledge, in the past, I believed that successful people just stayed the course without major blowups along the way. And since I hadn't been able to do that, I might as well quit. Because successful people didn't ever lose control.
I have always assumed that once I got with the program, that these episodes would be totally in the past. But MAYBE they will always be there. I had never thought of that as a possibility before. MAYBE I will always have to manage them, hoping they occur rarely. That's kind of a mental discovery right there. Of course I don't ever want these things to occur. But if they do, they don't have to signal that I'm "done with healthy eating this time around."
One thing I clearly noticed was how once I was in the hold of the beast, I was no longer interested in drinking my water, or in consuming anything else healthy. I think that first night I had 4 diet cokes.
I have to admit that I was totally in control of this. I know what I was doing and I chose to do it. I am not yet sure how to choose to have an excess but limit it. I hope that will come with time.
One encouraging thing that happened on Tuesday (after I was back in control), was that someone with whom I have talked weight loss with in the past stopped in my office and commented on my weight loss and we had a conversation about it. This was important for me, mentally, because it signaled that I didn't suddenly look like a blimp because I had lost control for a few hours. Because I certainly FELT like a blimp.
I definitely feel less successful than I did a week ago, but I am forging ahead.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Inevitable
Today was weigh-in and I stayed the same after two weeks. I've been expecting it for the last couple weigh-ins, so it's anti-climactic. Wierd, though, how when you stay the same (or gain slightly) you look at the past week and say, "Oh, I knew I shouldn't have had ****, it caused me to gain weight. " Even though you may have had **** the previous week and didn't have a weight gain.
How well I know the pitfall of being disappointed by the scale, so I am just saying "oh well" and gettin' back to it. Would you believe that in my youth I weighed in once at WW and didn't lose the 0.5 pound needed to reach goal of 136 and was so mad that I quit!!! Apparently I had not yet learned that, especially when you're close to goal, it can take FOREVER to lose that last pound. I'm older and wiser now (hopefully) and just don't have the patience for that kind of impatience!!
Besides, I did have an NSV this week. I was able to fit into regular (not women's) size 18 and actual wear them to work. I know you know what I mean when I say I could actually wear them out in public.
ETA: My local daughter and husband, and local son will not be here for Thanksgiving, so I am having a Thanksgiving dinner today. If I truly wanted to partake heartily in the goodies, I would do so. But I'm not feeling the need today. Not my favorite menu. Ordinarily, I would eat huge amounts no matter what. But today I resolve that just because it's a company dinner, I don't have to pig out, particularly because I'm not that interested.
How well I know the pitfall of being disappointed by the scale, so I am just saying "oh well" and gettin' back to it. Would you believe that in my youth I weighed in once at WW and didn't lose the 0.5 pound needed to reach goal of 136 and was so mad that I quit!!! Apparently I had not yet learned that, especially when you're close to goal, it can take FOREVER to lose that last pound. I'm older and wiser now (hopefully) and just don't have the patience for that kind of impatience!!
Besides, I did have an NSV this week. I was able to fit into regular (not women's) size 18 and actual wear them to work. I know you know what I mean when I say I could actually wear them out in public.
ETA: My local daughter and husband, and local son will not be here for Thanksgiving, so I am having a Thanksgiving dinner today. If I truly wanted to partake heartily in the goodies, I would do so. But I'm not feeling the need today. Not my favorite menu. Ordinarily, I would eat huge amounts no matter what. But today I resolve that just because it's a company dinner, I don't have to pig out, particularly because I'm not that interested.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Little Bits of Unrelated Things
I love it when my healthy meals are foods that I love!
My latest love for breakfast is oats, almond breeze (almond milk, either vanilla or chocolate), one diced apple, and 2 T PB2. Three minutes in the microwave and I have heaven for breakfast. No compromises there!
I have no problem with repeat lunches. This week I had spinach feta pie. It made four servings, and I work four days a week. Perfect. I have one recipe using Bisquick and one without, so I can make it either way depending on how indulgent I feel. I love it and really look forward to lunch!
Next week I am going to take split pea soup every day. It has just a little ham in it, so I will supplement with chicken or barley or a side of something, depending on how I feel that day. I love the flexibility!
I've been having my apple streusel quite regularly the last few weeks and still love it. Just to be different this weekend, I am going to make Joanna Lund carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (127 calories) just to change things up a little.
On a totally different subject, I have always felt that the best way to get a floor clean is to get right down there with your face up close and personal. Never been a fan of sponge mops, even with the modern swiffers, which I find wasteful. But the past few years I have sometimes resorted to using a mop because it was just too hard to get down and up. But today I washed floors on my hands and knees and it was not the BIG EVENT that it's developed into during the last few years! I love that I have options again!!!
Finally, why? Why, when I've settled on 1500 as a safe number of calories to eat per day do I feel it's even better if I come in at 1300? I don't mean that I should eat if I'm not hungry, but I am so careful on many days that even with a snack at night, I don't reach 1500. At that point, I'd be thrilled to just eat some more when I realize the total, but that just encourages my troublesome nighttime eating habit. So unless I feel really hungry I'm not going to load up. [My analysis: I think I am so worried that I won't have enough left over for my beloved evening snack that I take it really easy during the day.]
And why, if 1500 is the number, do I feel I am overeating if I achieve it? I won't say this is BOTHERING me, but I just find it curious. I think some of us have hyperactive minds!!
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